Monday, June 9, 2014

Films I've Seen In 2014


This is a list of every film I've watched this year, in chronological order. I meant to only include theatrical releases from 2014, but I started watching some fantastic, grade-A pictures that I needed to jot down my thoughts about. Most of these I went to see at the theater, but there are a few films that I've watched on home video because I either missed them in theaters or they weren't playing in my area (or the U.S.).

#1 - The Monuments Men



Date Watched: 2/8/14

A refreshingly simple historical tale. While it has some issues with pacing and tone, the ensemble cast and unique yet straightforward plot make this one well worth watching. Clooney does a solid job directing, utilizing static shots and beautiful cinematography that harken back to the war films of old.

Rating: 6.5/10

#2 - The Lego Movie



Date Watched: 2/9/14

A total blast from start to finish! I used to live and breath LEGOs so to see them brought to life in such a magnificently vibrant manner is a real treat. The voice cast does a phenomenal job giving the simple story emotional resonance that we can all relate to. Add in some remarkably unique animation and a catchy soundtrack, and you've got a film where everything is awesome!

Rating: 8.5/10

#3 - RoboCop


Date Watched: 2/12/14

Bland and forgettable. It squanders a lot of cool ideas by not exploring them fully, the storyline is painfully predictable, the characters are completely one-dimensional, and there is so much fan service inappropriately shoehorned in that it makes it abundantly clear that the film is nothing more than a limp, lifeless remake designed solely to cash in on the RoboCop name. The cast tries their damnedest (though some were seriously underutilized) and the visuals were decent, but all of the fight scenes and most of the creative decisions left a lot to be desired. Do yourself a favor: skip this remake and just watch Paul Verhoeven's 1987 classic. Trust me, you will not regret it.

Rating: 4.5/10

#4 - Pompeii


Date Watched: 2/23/14

While Pompeii is cheesy, hammy and often ridiculous, it succeeds as an undeniably guilty pleasure that's a mix of Gladiator and Titanic (albeit with a stratovolcano instead of a ship). I've always been a fan of director Paul W.S. Anderson, the man behind the Resident Evil franchise and the criminally underrated Event Horizon. He knows how to create entertaining, satisfying pieces of cinema that are a blast to watch, even though they can be a little short on brains. Pompeii falls squarely into the brainless entertainment category. The cast hams it up bigtime (especially Kiefer Sutherland and Mr. Eko from Lost), the story is predictable to a fault, and the historical and scientific inaccuracies are glaring, but it hardly matters because it knows what it is and wholeheartedly delivers when it comes to the vivid visuals and rampant destruction as promised. What more do you want? At least it's better than RoboCop.

Rating: 5.5/10

#5 - Non-Stop


Date Watched: 3/1/14

An entertaining thriller. The trailers and title are deceptive because it doesn't really qualify as an action flick, but more of a suspenseful mystery. Liam Neeson is awesome as always, and the relatively unknown supporting cast does a solid job. The whodunit aspect is handled adequately and keeps you guessing as to who is the culprit. It's also one of the only PG-13 movies in recent memory that repeatedly shows smoking onscreen, which I find interesting. The film plays fast and loose with the rule of physics, but it doesn't detract from the fun. Worth checking out.

Rating: 5.5/10

#6 - 300: Rise Of An Empire


Date Watched: 3/6/14

A solid follow-up to the original 300. It's stylish, entertaining and bloody, but lacks the memorable characters and humorous moments of its predecessor. It functions as more of a companion piece than a direct sequel, taking place concurrently with the Battle of Thermopylae, and I enjoyed this approach. The main cast does a decent job with their brooding scowls, virile speeches and bloodthirsty carnage. Sadly, the returning characters don't get much screentime. Xerxes takes a backseat to the seductive Eva Green, who plays the villainous Artemisia with a combination of sex appeal and viciousness. The naval battle plot is straightforward, intertwining itself with flashbacks developing Artemisia and scenes depicting the aftermath of Leonidas' battle and Xerxes' wrath. Visually, everything is a tad darker but it still maintains the washed-out atmosphere the first film established, albeit in a seafaring setting. The fight scenes are brutal and a blast to watch, but they can't hold a candle to some of the ones from the original. Director Noam Murro does a good job staging the action, but Zack Snyder's touch is sorely missing. I was a little disappointed with the 3D presentation; nothing really popped of the screen except for one particular scene, so I don't think you'd be missing much if you saw it in 2D. Lastly, the film isn't nearly as quotable, though I doubt it ever could have been, so no big deal. Overall, 300: Rise of an Empire is a fun but inferior sequel that never fails to entertain.

Rating: 6.5/10

#7 - Sabotage


Date Watched: 3/29/14 (double feature)

A great cast, an intriguing plot and kinetic action drive this entertaining crime thriller. Schwarzenegger headlines the ensemble cast and does a decent job, though he sometimes feels out of place in the gritty surroundings and gets shown up by many of the other cast members, especially Mireille Enos. The action and direction is fast-paced and intense, and I was surprised at how gory things got...it gets pretty nasty at times. Other than some strange pacing, this is a solid actioner that's worth watching, but it's nothing new.

Rating: 6/10

#8 - Noah


Date Watched: 3/29/14 (double feature)

Visually stunning and impeccably cast, Noah is a simultaneously thought-provoking and thrilling retelling of the classic biblical tale. Russell Crowe and Ray Winstone are phenomenal and the age-old story is told in an unconventional way that feels fresh and engaging. Darren Aronofsky's direction is outstanding and beautifully shot, some of his best work yet. The action and destruction is impressive, plus there's one element that feels out of place but it is so badass and creative that I don't want to spoil it. Well worth checking out, regardless of your religious views.

Rating: 8/10

#9 - Captain America: The Winter Soldier



Date Watched: 4/3/14

One of the best Marvel movies thus far featuring spectacular, old school action, a smart, relevant script and an excellent ensemble cast. Chris Evans was born to play Captain America and he does an outstanding job yet again. His performance is convincing and heartfelt. Black Widow's role is much larger this time around and Scarlett Johansson does a solid job, as does Sebastian Stan as the formidable Winter Soldier. The supporting cast includes standouts Anthony Mackie as badass newcomer Falcon, Frank Grillo as a rogue agent, and the great Robert Redford as the head of S.H.I.E.L.D. The story is the film's biggest strength, effortlessly tying into the rest of the Marvel Universe thanks to an efficient, timely script that doubles as both a fun superhero action flick and a 70's-style espionage thriller interlaced with some judicious political and social commentary. The rip-roaring action, especially the hand to hand combat, is kinetic and beautifully choreographed; some of the best I've seen in the Marvel films, The Avengers included. Cap uses his shield in tons of inventive ways, not to mention the variety of action setpieces ranging from intense one-on-one fistfights and gun battles to full-blown vehicular mayhem. Directors Joe and Anthony Russo (of Community fame) do an exemplary job on their first theatrical feature, showcasing an eye for detail but more importantly keeping things character-centric amid the chaos. The cinematography is reminiscent of many classic 70's spy films such as Three Days of the Condor and The Parallax View, giving the film a subdued look that complements both the action and the story.  There's not much else to say and very little to nitpick. You shouldn't miss this one!

On a side note, the post credits scenes are worth waiting for and make me even more excited for Avengers: Age of Ultron!

Rating: 8.5/10

#10 - Oculus


Date Watched: 4/12/14 (double feature)

A top-notch modern horror flick. It takes a cliche, been-there-done-that horror plotline and does some really interesting, cerebral things with it, which was quite refreshing. It's legitimately scary at times and the relatively unknown cast is solid. Well worth checking out if you're a horror fan.


Rating: 8/10

#11 - The Raid 2: Berandal


Date Watched: 4/12/14 (double feature)

Violent, bloody and exhilaratingly action-packed, The Raid 2 is an arguably superior follow-up to 2011's The Raid: Redemption. The storyline is substantially more complicated and the fight scenes are just as visceral and kinetic (not to mention more varied and creatively staged); think Aliens in relation to Alien - everything is bigger and better. My one hope for this sequel was that it might contain a car chase and WOW did they deliver a phenomenal one! Probably one of the best I've seen in at least ten years. It's all shot with real cars and real people - no CGI bullshit here - plus it maintains the same amount of frenetic energy that the brutal hand-to-hand combat scenes do. The cast does a great job as well, really giving their all, both mentally and physically. Gareth Evans cements himself as the premier action director working these days. He has an eye for spectacle as well as intricacy. The pacing is absolutely perfect, making the 150 minute runtime fly by in what felt like 90 minutes. Additionally, the cinematography is gorgeous and the score is subtle but pulse-poundingly intense when it needs to be. The quote on the poster isn't lying...it's one of the greatest action movies ever made. Don't miss this one!

Rating: 10/10

#12 - The Amazing Spider-Man 2


Date Watched: 5/1/14

Even with its unbalanced narrative, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is a fun, action-packed entry in the series that is better than its predecessor. I was expecting it to be mediocre at best, based on the hokey trailers and goofy-looking villains, so it was a pleasant surprise that I enjoyed it as much as I did. It reminded me of the 90's animated series several times, which may annoy some but I loved it, especially in this current age of gritty, overly serious superhero flicks (The Avengers notwithstanding). The cast does a phenomenal job. Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone's incredible chemistry makes all their scenes together feel 100% genuine, giving the film a surprising amount of emotional heft. Dane DeHaan plays Harry Osborn convincingly, making him sympathetic but also quietly sinister. Lastly, Jamie Foxx is solid as Electro, despite some silly dialogue ("It's my birthday!"). I was worried he was going to come off as awkward and poorly executed but he works, even if his character unnecessarily complicates the plot. The supporting cast is decent, though Sally Field doesn't have much to do as Aunt May and Paul Giamatti as Rhino is nothing more than a stereotypical caricature, albeit a hilarious one. All these characters and plotlines interweave with one another, causing the overarching story to feel lopsided and occasionally directionless. It doesn't break the film thanks to competent pacing, but it is its biggest weakness. The action is eye-popping, vibrant and creatively staged, though it suffers from CGI overload at times. The showstoppers are the web-slinging sequences, which are shot from a thrilling third person perspective that, thanks to the marvelous 3D presentation, makes you feel like you're right there swinging next to Spider-Man; they're quite impressive and worth the 3D premium price. Rounding things out is a nifty score, most notably a dubstep-style set accompanying Electro's scenes that works decidedly well with Hans Zimmer's triumphant stylings. Overall, what I thought was going to be a muddled mess turned out to be a satisfying superhero romp that I recommend checking out!

Rating: 7.5/10

#13 - Godzilla


Date Watched: 5/18/14 (IMAX)

An absolute blast, both emotionally and visually, from beginning to end. Director Gareth Edwards does a phenomenal job bringing the King of Monsters to life. The cast is top-notch, with Bryan Cranston anchoring a film full of outstanding performances. The destruction and versus battles are beautifully shot and nerve-shatteringly intense, though be warned the film mostly takes the Jaws-style approach, preferring the slow anticipation of the third act reveal, which is appropriately terrific. I also thought the striking cinematography and brooding score accentuated the action nicely. There isn't much else to say without spoiling too much of the fun. I've always been a big fan of the entire Godzilla franchise (especially the two animated series), and this dark and gritty 2014 entry fits right in perfectly. Don't miss it!

Rating: 8.5/10

#14 - X-Men: Days Of Future Past


Date Watched: 5/22/14

With its superb ensemble cast and creative time-jumping storyline, X-Men: Days Of Future Past is one of the series' strongest outings yet, ranking up there with X-Men: First Class but still below the phenomenal X2. 20th Century Fox did their absolute best to create something to replicate and rival the unprecedented success of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and I commend them for putting in the time, effort and money to try to deliver a home run (and they're doing a much better job than DC is). Their aggressive marketing campaign sold the film as this incredibly epic melding of both X-Men casts into a wild time-travel plot, but unfortunately director Bryan Singer's final product left me feeling a tad underwhelmed. It didn't really blow me away like The Avengers did or go the extra mile I was hoping it would, though that's partially because of an over-saturated current market. Don't get me wrong, the finished film is awesome and well worth your hard-earned money if you're a fan of the superhero genre, but just keep your expectations in check as I let mine get the better of me. The funny thing is, I can't really put my finger on what I would've changed to improve it. I want to see it again now that I know what to expect.

Anywho, the cast is the film's biggest strength, the true definition of an ensemble. Having too many characters in a superhero movie can be a death sentence if the director and screenplay aren't up to snuff, but that isn't the case here - EVERYONE returns and everyone brings their A-game. Certain characters are more prominent than others, but no one character takes over the story. Every character feels important regardless of their screentime and each is given something cool to do. Yeah, Colossus (arguably my favorite X-Men character along with Deadpool, though not the 2009 abomination) just punches bad guys and newcomer fan favorites like Bishop and Warpath don't get much development, but balancing all these characters while still delivering a cohesive film is extremely tough and Singer & Co. do about as good a job as anybody could have, save for maybe James Cameron or pre-2000 Spielberg. Magneto is still just as badass as he was in First Class and Michael Fassbender does a great job portraying him as a lethal, cunning mastermind. I also loved James McAvoy as young Charles Xavier; he gives an emotional, believable performance. Other standouts include Hugh Jackman's wise-cracking Wolverine, Jennifer Lawrence's insidious Mystique and Peter Dinklage as Sentinel creator Bolivar Trask.

There's not much I can say about the plot without spoiling anything, but the time travel aspect is executed well and affords a number of intriguing scenes. The cinematography and production design are top-notch, jumping between washed-out, occasionally vibrant 70's visuals to bleak Terminator-esque post-apocalyptic scenery, making for a striking juxtaposition. I absolutely loved how the futuristic scenes directly reference my favorite film, Terminator 2: Judgment Day; it had me smiling from ear to ear in the theater. The score is satisfactory, utilizing Singer's original X-Men theme with some new stylings. Finally, the special effects and action are exciting and well-staged, particularly the future scenes with the X-Men fighting adaptive Sentinels who can mimic any other mutant's power. Overall, Days Of Future Past is well worth your time if you're a superhero fan. Don't miss it!

Also, stay through the end credits to see a lead-in for X-Men: Apocalypse!

Rating: 8.5/10

#15 - Edge Of Tomorrow


Date Watched: 6/7/14

An intriguing premise and Tom Cruise's humorous yet heartfelt performance propels this riveting sci-fi actioner, one of the best films I've seen so far this year. Cruise starts out as a selfish and cowardly Army Major with no combat experience who gets demoted to Private and gradually transforms into a hardened soldier after he gets stuck in a time loop, Bill Murray-style. It's a nifty inversion of the badass roles Cruise usually plays and his character's arc is both emotional and engaging. Emily Blunt does an excellent job as well and she has great chemistry with Cruise. The rest of the cast is good (if somewhat stereotypical) except Bill Paxton, who might as well be an older version of Hudson from Aliens, a fact the film clearly acknowledges and has fun with, much to my amusement. The science fiction vibe is spot-on. The time loop concept never once feels like a gimmick and it serves the story and action very well, in addition to creating well-timed comedic moments that had me chuckling. It's a prime example of ingeniously using time travel to tell an interesting story, instead of using it as a deus ex machina to fix plot holes. I commend this, because it's rare these days.

All of this would be for naught if the filmmakers didn't create a believable world. I've said it before and I'll say it again: One of the keys to making a well-rounded and memorable sci-fi film is to create a deep, lived-in world or universe to immerse the audience and help keep them emotionally invested. This is skillfully achieved in a number of ways. First is the existence of the United Defense Force, a joining of world military powers to combat a greater threat, much like World War I and World War II. Humanity uniting in the face of annihilation is the classic underdog story that grabs and engrosses moviegoers (case in point: Independence Day, the Terminator franchise, The Avengers, Pacific Rim, etc.). I also absolutely loved the futuristic technology and how realistically it was integrated with current technology. It seems like the kind of equipment and vehicles the military would actually engineer; the next logical step in cutting-edge innovation, but one that isn't perfect and still malfunctions. The armored exoskeletons (dubbed "Jackets") the soldiers use to fight the alien Mimics are particularly awesome, much cooler than the ones in Elysium. Sorry Neill. And speaking of the alien invaders, they are WILD! The Mimic designs are stunning, kind of a cross between the Xenomorphs from the Alien franchise and the Sentinels from The Matrix. I loved that they functioned as a hive mind, plus their hierarchical caste system with different types of Mimics all being controlled by a Mother Brain makes them a menacing and terrifying enemy. The trailer rightfully keeps them hidden for the most part, which is refreshing in this current age of the previews spoiling everything. The film's in-depth world is one of its biggest strengths.

Edge of Tomorrow also excels from a technical standpoint. Its visuals are striking and act as an effective homage to newsreel footage and war films in general, mostly WWI (brutal trench warfare) and WWII (the opening battle mirrors the D-Day landings, while later imagery evokes the Battle of Stalingrad). The action is outstanding. Director Doug Liman's kinetic camerawork and fluid editing allow you to savor the action and appreciate the spectacle, something that's hard to find these days outside of the old guard of New Hollywood. A heavy mechanical score complements the action nicely, while the CGI is also quite impressive. Coupled with the sharp 3D presentation, everything just dazzles. Lastly, the pacing is perfect, especially in the third act where the intensity and tension escalate and never let up.

I only have two nitpicks: 1) I wish they would've kept the original title of the source material ("All You Need Is Kill"). It's such a unique title that would've made the film stand out more in an over-crowded market. 2) Charlotte Riley, the actress who plays one of the Army grunts, is terrible. She's trying to channel Vasquez from Aliens and failing hard. However, neither of these nitpicks can tarnish Edge of Tomorrow's brilliant shine. I highly recommend this film to everyone, but especially action and sci-fi fans. Don't miss it!

Rating: 9/10

#16 - Dark House


Date Watched: 6/13/14 (Friday the 13th!)

I had some hope for this one. It was directed by the weird guy behind the Jeepers Creepers movies, which I'm a huge fan of. The guy himself may be a piece of shit, but he makes good horror flicks. I was initially skeptical after a shaky beginning, but I stuck with it and it picked up about 30 minutes in. What began as a cliche haunted house movie quickly transforms into a weird, macabre horror-thriller that tosses around a number of interesting ideas. The presence of Tobin Bell makes things fun, but the rest of the acting isn't anything special; it's passable. It pretty gets gory at times, accomplished with some decent practical effects which I always appreciate. Worth a rental or watch on late-night cable.


Rating: 7/10

#17 - 22 Jump Street


Date Watched: 6/22/14

22 Jump Street's genre-savvy jokes and pitch-perfect chemistry between its two leads produces a worthy successor that avoids the dreaded sequel slump. Tatum and Hill remain as fresh and funny as ever, effortlessly playing off each other and maintaining the mismatched bromantic bond that worked so well in the original. Tatum steals the show multiple times thanks to his lively combination of childish enthusiasm and superhuman physical feats (an amusing running joke). The movie wastes no time getting things moving, with an exciting and gut-busting opening chase that picks up right where Part 1 ended and smoothly segues into the main story. The comedy is spot-on from beginning to end; it works on every level, from gross-out and sight gags to self-referential meta-humor and clever trope inversions. The supporting characters are all memorable, with Ice Cube's Captain Dickson being the most noteworthy thanks to a fantastic, scenery-chewing subplot. He may be the best "Angry Black Captain" ever. The rest of the mostly unknown college kids do a killer job (loved Zook and the Yang Twins). I was happy to see Jillian from Workaholics show up and there are a lot of great cameos that I don't want to spoil here.

My hat's off to directors Phil Lord and Chris Miller. These guys have done nothing but make awesome films, with two of their best (The LEGO Movie) coming out this year alone! They always try to do outrageously original things and their efficient, vibrant filmmaking style is mesmerizing and on full display with 22 Jump Street.  Finally, I particularly loved the creative end credits, which showcase a bunch of fake sequels, spin-offs and toys such as 28 Jump Street: Dance Academy or 21 Jump Street: The Animated Series. They're outstanding and a clever jab at the sequel- & merchandise-obsessed film industry. All-in-all, a top-notch comedy. Don't miss it, especially if you dug 21 Jump Street!

Rating: 8.5/10

#18 - Transformers: Age Of Extinction


Date Watched: 6/29/14

I want to address something before I jump into the review. I've enjoyed all of the Transformers movies so far. They aren't good films by any means, but they do feature creative scenes of action and destruction that I never thought I'd see on the silver screen. They're a fun, mindless way to kill a couple of hours. If you liked any of the previous movies, then you'll enjoy Transformers: Age of Extinction. It's more of the same, but in a slightly less annoying package. At this point, you should know exactly what you're getting. I feel like that's all that needs to be said, but since I love reviewing and dissecting movies (even bad ones), I'm going to give it a whirl anyway! This is going to be a long review, because I have a lot to say.

Age of Extinction is a lot of fun, but you have to take it for what it is. It succeeds as big, dumb, loud popcorn entertainment and pure crowd-pleasing spectacle. It's not smart or clever or even self-aware. It still contains eye-rolling racist stereotypes (yet it feels less offensive overall than Revenge of the Fallen). The plot is still unnecessarily complicated and jumps all over the place for no goddamn reason. The script and dialogue are godawful. The ridiculous lapses in logic and enormous plotholes will leave you scratching your head (or laughing at their stupidity if you're me). And the Bay-isms...good lord are there are ton of them. I don't think I've ever seen so many American flags in one place before. The low angle shots are so low it's like the cameras are glued to the actor's shoes. They make Battlefield Earth's dutch angles look sophisticated by comparison. And WHY are there so many over-saturated shots of the sun blinding the camera Michael Bay?! I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!!! But the most unforgiving thing about this flashy toy commercial is its length. It lumbers along for 165 minutes...that's 2 hours and 45 minutes, the same length as Avatar and Django Unchained. I'm all for long films but they must justify their length by serving the story and/or characters efficiently. AoE sharts on this idea and uses its runtime like a 5-year-old, battering us into submission with explosions, bullets, fancy cars and scantily-clad women at every turn. They could've cut out at least 30 to 40 minutes and dropped four or five supporting characters from the screenplay and things would've flowed much better while also producing a more cohesive plot.

After all that, you probably think this flick has nothing positive to offer, which isn't technically true. While I wouldn't say the following things improve Age of Extinction on its own merits as a film, it does raise the movie above its three predecessors. First and foremost, Shia LaBeouf is gone! Megan Fox is gone! John Turturro is gone, possibly knocking on the Coen Brothers' door begging for a bit part to redeem his fallen soul. This alone calls for rejoicing in the streets! The new cast is a marginal improvement, but I'll take what I can get from the franchise at this point. Mark Wahlberg isn't given much to do, but he's much more proactive than Shia LaBitch's character was, getting involved in the fights and actually helping the Autobots instead of screaming "BUMBLEBEEEEE!" at an ear-shattering pitch every ten minutes. It's a significant upgrade, fo' sho. The same goes for Stanley "The Tooch" Tucci taking Turturro's place. He has fun with the role, and gets some laughs out of the silly dialogue. Megan Fox is exchanged for Nicola Peltz, an equally attractive model-type who is a MUCH better actress (though not here; check out Bates Motel for proof). I thought Kelsey Grammar played his paranoid CIA baddie better than any of the franchise's previous government antagonists, Frances McDormand included, but he's way too serious to be any fun. That's it really. All the other characters are completely disposable and have no bearing on the story. There are two women who are business partners of Tucci's character and I have absolutely no idea who they were or why they even existed, even though they get a decent amount of screentime.

The new Autobot sidekicks are much cooler this time around. Their designs and coloring are very unique, plus their famous voice actors (John Goodman, Ken Watanabe, John DiMaggio) do a solid job. I actually cared if they survived or not. They're easier to identify and follow during the chaotic action scenes as well, which has always been a huge problem for any Transformer not named Optimus Prime. I also loved the main villain Lockdown, a bounty hunter whose face can turn into a giant gun. I found him to be a much more interesting villain than Megatron. His inverted design is threatening and his fight scenes with Optimus are satisfying to watch. He also has these incendiary grenades that slowly spread and engulf everything in their blast radius once they detonate. It was a nifty piece of alien technology that I found creative and welcome in the action setpieces. Speaking of the action, it's still occasionally confusing and subject to Bay's overuse of shaky-cam, but it's the highlight of the movie. While I do miss Bay's earlier practical style, he can still orchestrate eye-popping scenes of mayhem and destruction with the best of them. He also toned down the annoyingly stupid comedic elements that severely hurt the previous entries, like Sam's mom and dad, though there are a few grating parts here that make you wish you didn't have ears. 

The two best things about Age of Extinction? The score and the Dinobots. Steve Jablonsky, who frequently collaborates with Michael Bay, continues his string of excellent musical scores. It suits the action nicely. The Dinobots ARE AWESOME. They might only show up near the end, but they are utterly badass! Their designs are wild in both robot and dinosaur form, and to see them battling alongside Optimus and the Autobots is a blast to watch. I'm happy they didn't give them voices because they behave like purely instinctual animals as opposed to sentient robots, which made them infinitely cooler. The old adage that "dinosaurs make everything better" remains true.

Well, this review has gone on long enough. The bottom line is that if you can turn your brain off, it's easy to just enjoy this flick as a self-indulgent guilty pleasure, nothing more. It's probably the best entry in the franchise thus far, though that's not saying a whole lot. Critics are tearing it a new one, much like I just did, but that doesn't mean you won't dig it. Just because it's dumb doesn't mean it isn't fun. Enjoy it, or don't.

Rating: 5.5/10

#19 - Snowpiercer


Date Watched: 7/3/14

I love me some cerebral science fiction, and Snowpiercer seemed sure to impress me with its biting social commentary, groovy technology and striking visuals. Yet as I sat there watching the end credits roll to Marco Beltrami's gnarly score, I was left feeling underwhelmed for reasons I could not fully articulate. This is quite unusual for me, as 99% of the time, I feel I can accurately judge a film shortly after my first viewing. There are exceptions, mostly the avant-garde and surrealist cinema conjured up inside the deranged minds of directors like David Lynch and Alejandro Jodorowsky (just to name a few), but confusion and introspection are almost always the entire point of those genres anyway. It's rare to be so perplexed by such a mainstream film, so I found it difficult to write a proper review until I'd given it some thought. Well, it's been over two weeks since I watched it, and I believe it's primary problem is that it doesn't maximize its potential by fully exploring its unique and interesting premise. Don't misunderstand me. Snowpiercer is a very good (arguably great) science fiction adventure full of lofty ideas, but sadly it's all been done better elsewhere. If they had fleshed out the some of the sci-fi concepts, heady ideas and minor characters a little further, it would've made a huge difference. I feel like it's right on the cusp of being this amazing sci-fi film with something to say, but it falls just short.

That being said, it's still an engaging film; a fierce, thought-provoking battle for survival and redemption. Chris Evans' tenacious, almost rabid performance as Curtis anchors the film. He is the engine that drives the rebellion and pushes onward like a man possessed. His speech about the horrors of living in the tail section of the train was absolutely chilling, and delivered perfectly by Evans. He's helped considerably by seasoned vets John Hurt and Tilda Swinton, and a relatively unknown supporting cast.  I was also pleased to see one of my favorite actors cast as the omniscient overlord behind it all. I loved the steam-punk infused production design of the train, with each compartment meticulously designed to have both a functional and thematic purpose. This is the film's biggest strength because it helps create a believable world, which is paramount when it comes to grade A science fiction. Coupled with the diverse cinematography, it gives the entire film a memorably cogent visual style. Bong Joon-Ho's direction was fluid and framed well, especially in the film's kinetic and visceral fight scenes, though they do suffer slightly from a bit too much shaky-cam.

I thought the class struggles were portrayed convincingly and offered a potent social commentary. I also really dug the religious undertones, the cultish Scientology jabs (namely the weirdly perverse classroom scene with an unrecognizable Alison Pill), and the Gestapo-esque tactics abused by those in power (the frozen arm punishment was wild and original!). However, the futuristic concepts relevant to the their situation and the train itself were not fully explained enough, which was disappointing. I wanted them to delve into the technology and engineering behind the train's inner workings. It was covered well, but not as extensively as I had hoped. Early in the film, there's a particularly cool homage to 1973's Soylent Green that had me grinning, but left me wishing they had done something equally as expansive for each subsequent train compartment. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, but the third-act climax only drew more attention to it. Lastly, the whole 'new world devouring the old' style ending was both symbolic and effective. Despite a few missed opportunities, I still recommend this one, especially to sci-fi aficionados!

Rating: 8/10

#20 - Dawn of the Planet of the Apes


Date Watched: 7/12/14

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is one of those rare, genre-jumping sequels that is better than the original. It moves away from the sci-fi heavy aspects and morphs into an apocalyptic adventure/war movie hybrid with brains. Picking up eight years after Rise of the Planet of the Apes where the ALZ virus has wiped out most of the civilized world, the film follows the last vestiges of humanity as they struggle to survive and the slowly growing ape population. This approach works well because it's a believable continuation and allows full exploration of the central human/ape dynamic that makes the film so damn intriguing. If they had chosen to follow the spread of the viral outbreak instead of the aftermath, it would've been less interesting and redundant because that movie already exists.

I applaud them for introducing an entirely new yet equally interesting cast. Most film franchises nowadays are afraid to risk the potential monetary loss of a popular actor, but I think more films should attempt it because it eases franchise fatigue by keeping things fresh, while also creating new fans. I realize this was mostly due to the viral outbreak storyline, but considering the smashing success of this long dormant franchise, it's surprising and welcome. The cast is superb, especially Jason Clarke (who looks remarkably like Charlton Heston, not sure if that was intentional or not) and Andy Serkis, who deserves a goddamn Oscar for his performance. Serkis is so convincing as Caesar that you forget you're watching a CGI creation and become emotionally invested in the character, which is amazing if you think about it. Perhaps Serkis is a modern day Tarzan?

His primal performance would be for naught if it wasn't for the exceptional motion capture work and special effects. A pet peeve of mine has always been the use of CGI animals in film, extinct ones excluded. Liability notwithstanding, it's always struck me as incredibly lazy because they always end up looking fake. I see it as a complete waste of time and money to render and animate an animal that is readily available, fully-trained mind you, in real life. Well, DOTPOTA is the first film where I had trouble telling the CGI animals from the real ones, which is saying something! I'm talking about up close shots of the ape's faces, which emote and move so realistically it's scary. The motion capture seamlessly blended together with all sorts of computer-generated and practical effects is remarkable. I think we are finally reaching the point where CGI has become almost undetectable, if done right.

Just look at the amount of detail in the face; every wrinkle and ridge tells a story.
Integrated with Serkis' eyes and motion capture makes Caesar feel alive.


Visually, Dawn is reminiscent of Jurassic Park. Much of the film takes place in the forest where the apes reside, so we get a lot of lush, earthy scenery that evokes a groovy prehistoric feel, courtesy of cinematographer Michael Seresin (who I'm not familiar with outside of his exquisite work on 1987's Angel Heart and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban). The ruined remnants of San Francisco are also beautifully realized with many of the crumbling buildings covered in overgrowth, as nature reclaims its domain. The stellar opening credits are also worth mentioning. They show the spread of the virus as it decimates the planet, using red lines similar to whenever Indiana Jones travels. The sequence is complemented perfectly by Michael Giacchino's somber piano score, while the rest of his impeccable stylings enhance the action and drama considerably. Matt Reeves' direction is impressive, considering the only other thing he's known for is Cloverfield, which was almost exclusively shaky cam. He shows his directing chops with a number of creative shot choices, killer tracking shots, and well-staged, thrilling action setpieces. I absolutely LOVED the climactic tower battle between Caesar and the duplicitous Koba, who makes for a great villain!

Thematically, Dawn takes the drama the first film excelled at and expands it while adding duality themes, something the film addresses both directly and indirectly. The humans can be just as brutal and animalistic as the apes, while the apes prove to be as intelligent and cunning as the humans with their strategic battle plans and deceptive tactics. This dynamic gives the film a emotionally resonant core and is one of the reasons it works so well. Additionally, the scene with Koba pointing out the scars on his body from the human lab experiments, saying "human work" was chilling, and the return to the house from Rise of the Planet of the Apes was a nice touch, and a clever connection to the original film. Lastly, the missed opportunity for peace was sad, but spoke to the futility of war in general.

The only thing I didn't like was that Gary Oldman felt wasted. He's a hell of an actor, but here he's essentially an evil Jim Gordon and isn't given much to do, but that's okay since the story was more about the apes with the human characters actually playing second fiddle for once. Yet another blockbuster mold-breaking decision that proves you don't need a superfluous human character for the audience to identify with to tell a great story. Honestly that's it. Everything else is so well done, which is even more impressive considering the directorial change and larger scale story. Creative differences can, and regularly do, damage the final film, but here it was the opposite. Don't miss this one!

Rating: 9/10


**Note: I don't normally do this, but few films grab me in the way this one did, so it's inclusion felt necessary. Because of this film's lasting effect on me, I've decided to include films from the past that I'm currently rewatching, truly remarkable ones well worth hunting down. Treat yourself to some bonafide silver screen magic.

I will most likely spin this off into it's own blog post with a groovy title, but for now I'm enjoying my cinematic journey so much that I want to build up at least ten retro reviews before doing so. For now, I just want to share and dissect what I've watched immediately, no matter how redundant. Look, it's my blog, I make the rules. Deal with it :)


#20a - Sorcerer [1977] 


Date Watched: 7/13/14


Thrilling, shocking and cryptic, this is one of Friedkin's finest films. It's a harrowing, gut-wrenching, melancholic quest for the impossible. Roy Scheider is brilliant, as is the rest of the cast. Visually stunning on every level. Incredible silhouette shots, a few nifty tracking shots and lush cinematography. Tangerine Dream's score breathes an ethereal intensity into many of the film's nail-biting setpieces, the showstopper being the edge-of-your-seat, poster-worthy traversing of a rickety wooden bridge in the middle of a torrential downpour. I cannot begin to sing the praises of this labyrinthine film.

  1. The surreal, hellish shots near the end (coupled with hallucinatory flashbacks of the opening crash) evoked the sense that the whole journey was Jackie's (Scheider) mind descending into hell by coming to terms with his horrible past. Jackie's three cohorts all represent different sides of himself (Frenchie - sensible, intelligent side;  Nilo - assassin, violent, murderous side; Greasy - risky, clever, dangerous side). By coming to terms with and eliminating (killing) these skeletons of guilt, he is able to finally rest in peace. At least that's my theory (7/13/14 10:07 PM).
  2. Many of the weird and strange occurrences exude an eerie, paranormal vibe that appears to actively try to defeat the main characters. I can't put my finger on it, but the film just gives off this unsettling feeling that sticks with you long after it's over. I LOVE FILMS LIKE THIS.
  3. That cliffhanger ending...damn.
  4. Friedkin was able to capture so many unique and strangely beautiful shots, it really speaks to his skills as a director.
  5. The four opening 'vignettes' are a novel way to quickly introduce these characters and set the stakes at the same time. I don;t know if that was because of efficient screenwriting or just Friedkin's mastery behind the camera, but it works surprisingly well and harkens back to the film noir style of 40's/50's.
The lush, beautifully-shot jungle setting is used to great effect.
This silhouette gave me goosebumps.

This is easily one of William Friedkin's greatest works and another seminal 70's film. Do not miss this one of a kind masterpiece!

Rating: 10/10

#20b - Scanners [1981]

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Date RE-Watched: 7/14/14

I used to think The Fly was my favorite Cronenberg film, but after rewatching this mind-blowing 1981 sci-fi extravaganza, I believe it might be his masterpiece.

I'm still ruminating on the idea, but I absolutely loved Scanners this time around. It engaged me on every conceivable level, from the first second til the last. The superb cast, the heady concepts (i.e. merging with a computer) and scientific explanations of everything, the wonderfully groovy 70's production design, the goosebump-inducing score and the gory crimson tableau of viscera on display. (I love this description).

I highly recommend picking up the Criterion Blu-ray of this electrifying film. [A:10/V:10/S:9]

Rating: 9.5/10

#21 - The Purge Anarchy


Date Watched: 7/19/14

(Note: This review will be elaborated/expanded upon soon)

Ambitious and visually engaging, The Purge: Anarchy is a superior sequel that expands its novel concept in a variety of thematically interesting ways, while simultaneously delivering a slew of visceral thrills. Many people complained that the first film wasted its concept's potential, despite the fact that it was a genre-specific low-budget gamble that became a sleeper hit and paid huge dividends. The budget was tripled for the sequel ($3M to $9M) which allowed the filmmakers to flesh out their ideas much further this time.

The result is a nice mix of scary fun and thought-provoking social commentary that does get a little heavy-handed at times, though not nearly as bad as its predecessor. The poor vs. rich transformed into the people vs. the government which I found much more interesting and narratively focused.
  • Those dreadnought-like death trucks...
  • All the little background details stuck out to me and really expanded the world, which I LOVED. If you can craft a believable, lived-in world, it breathes life into the story.
  • The way the film shifts away from horror and goes the action/thriller route is reminiscent of Alien in relation to Aliens, much like The Raid 2 earlier in the year. I applaud this because the whole Purge concept is rife with potential on many different levels.

DISLIKED:
  • The annoying, whiny boyfriend character could've been minimized or dropped completely because the other characters were far more interesting.
  • Some of the dumbass decisions the characters made were frustrating. The scene that comes to mind is the retarded "fallen character can't get to their feet so they flail and flop around like their legs just got cut off" subway scene. However, I can forgive the film because it only falls victim to this infuriating genre trope a few times.
  • The dialogue was a little weak, with characters stiltedly delivering exposition.
  • I would've liked a little more creativity with the violence (it was most gunshots and knives; where are the chainsaws and lawnmowers and trebuchets and nailguns?)
  • More practical gore effects would be nice. CGI blood always comes off as lazy to me, and it's very noticeable for someone who's been watching bloody horror movies for most of his life! I mean how hard is it to rig up a vest with some squibs in it and detonate them? I'll take the magnificent work of Rob Bottin, Dick Smith and Rick Baker over any shitty digital gore effects that Romero himself started using with Land of the Dead

Rating: 7.5/10

#21a: Thief [1981]

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Date Watched: 7/23/14

A gritty, neo-noir masterpiece featuring a tour-de-force performance from James Caan and Michael Mann's trademark visual flair. James Caan is utterly badass as Frank, an intelligent, tough as nails jewel thief who takes no shit from anyone. The scene where he threatens Attaglia the platemaker and says "I am not the kind of guy who you want to fuck with" was instantly iconic. He comes off as the typical wiseguy, but as the film progresses, Frank proves himself to be a calculating master criminal. When Frank and Leo (Robert Prosky) first meet and discuss a potential collaboration, their whip-smart, thief-lingo-laden exchange is mesmerizing in its technical proficiency. It quickly paints Frank as a sharp, street-smart thief with a code. The way he meticulously plans his heists, accounting for every possible detail is alluring, and when coupled with Mann's dazzling visuals, it becomes almost hypnotic.

Visually, Thief is absolutely incredible. Right from the precisely framed opening scenes, it pulls you in like a bug zapper enticing a mosquito.  The brilliant outdoor night shots feature such vivid colors and oversaturated lighting, it reminds me of 1979's The Warriors and provides a glimpse of the scintillating style that would define Mann's seminal Miami Vice TV series. Considering this was his first major motion picture, Mann's talent as a director is immediately evident. His shot choices and directorial flourishes are stellar, and he really knows how to properly utilize the long take and the wide angle shot.
  • Tangerine Dream's score is gnarly. I wonder if Mann watched Friedkin's Sorcerer and decided to use them for his movie.
  • I dig the romantic subplot, it humanizes Caan's character. Tuesday Weld is surprisingly good. The scene with Frank and Tuesday in the diner is also brilliant. It again develops Frank's character and also believably connects the two characters. She trusts him because he is honest by opening up and sharing a piece of himself.
  • The "one last job" set-up is cliché nowadays, but here it's pulled off quickly, effortlessly, and above all engagingly.
  • The little scar on Frank's cheek is a subtle character defining trait.
  • It's funny, I love Scarface, but this movie has a lot of Scarface aspects and it was made two years earlier. Got to give credit where credit's due.
  • That elevator shot with the debris falling in covering the camera! cool as shit
  • Wow! The heist scene with the thermal lance where they melt their way into the safe is so freaking cool! How the hell did they shoot that? I like how it goes from being extremely bright to being dark and steaming with the smoke from the fire extinguishers.
  • I love how he just sits down and has a cigarette as they pillage the safe with that musical cue! Which leads into a surreal, dream-like fantasy sequence. Goddamn this movie is so fucking good!!! I need to watch more old movies that have good reputations!!!!
  • The doublecross! That illuminated hood shot, holy crap! And Jim Belushi getting blown away, with the blood splattering on the white van Frank is going to fuck some people up!
  • He pushes the reset button and destroys everything. He pursued his American dream, it didn't live up to his expectations, so he ditches it and starts anew but not before exacting his bloody revenge. Him tearing off his shirt symbolizes his change. That rising long shot as he walks off into the night, a free man once again. Wow, that's a way to end a fucking movie!
  • The bright blue opening and closing credits are baller.
  • Easily a 10 out of 10!
Another Criterion Blu-ray I urge you to pick up. The vibrant colors just pop.

Rating: 10/10

#21b - The Devil's Backbone [2001]

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Date Watched: 7/24/14

"What is a ghost? A tragedy condemned to repeat itself time and again? An instant of pain, perhaps. Something dead which still seems to be alive. An emotion suspended in time. Like a blurred photograph. Like an insect trapped in amber."

Guillermo del Toro just continues to impress me with every single thing he does. I had watched a few minutes of The Devil's Backbone back in college but it failed to grab my young mind and I was unable to give it my full attention. After my second viewing at a more mature age, I want to smack my younger self for not appreciating how brilliant this film is!

On a side note, Barnes & Noble is currently having a 50 percent off sale on all their Criterion Blu-rays, so a friend of mine and I have been spending too much money snatching up a bunch of titles from our "too expensive" wishlist, hence a lot of my recent retro reviews.

Anyway, del Toro produces a truly unsettling fairy tale set during the end of the Spanish Civil War.

  • That opening shot of the bomb dropping was incredible, it mirrored the boy's body descending into the water
  • It has an adventure quality to it, sort of like the gate, the goonies, and monster squad.
  • The main soldier guy is such a fucking douche bag. Banging the old lady to get access to the keys so he can steal the gold? What a fucking asshole. He looks like a combination of Colin Farrell. AGuillermo del Toro's films always have great villain. He reminds me of the evil vindictive captain from pans labyrinth.
  • War aspects are handled well, and very brutal.
  • WOW I absolutely love the design of the ghost! The way the head wound is bleeding floating blood, the way you can see his skeletal outline with in his ghostly body is downright creepy yet beautiful, and his lonely dead eyes pierce your soul.
  • del Toro's usual vibrant cinematography and visual style is in full force, the blues and the ambers, the pipe and sewer's settings,
  • Gas explosion scene was so incredibly shot, and it all looks so goddamn real!
  • Dramatic performances by everybody I just stellar. The emotional moments like when jacinto stabbed his girlfriend and the bittersweet scene where the wife passed away.
  • Has a very Lord of the flies type vibe
  • Child actors do an excellent job
  • The ghostly elements are subtle but intense when they occurred. I like that the supernatural elements didn't overwhelm the story.
  • This movie turned out to be way more involved and way better than I expected it to be. But it's del Toro so I shouldn't be surprised right?


As del Toro's most personal film, it's also one of the most unusually chilling horror films you'll ever see. This will be one that sticks with me for a long time.

Rating: 9/10

#22 - The Grand Budapest Hotel


Date Watched: 7/25/15

One of Wes Anderson's best movies thus far. The ensemble cast shines, especially lead Ralph Fiennes who propels the wacky yet grim storyline. Gorgeously photographed and stylish shot as expected.

Rating: 8.5/10

#23 - Lucy


Date Watched: 7/30/14

Haphazard and incoherent, but still visually interesting and entertaining. It begins and maintains a breakneck pace that pulls you right in yet devotes very little time to explaining anything. This is frustrating because diving into the science and mechanics behind how Lucy's brain function is expanding would've been way more interesting and existential (despite the fact that we do use 100% of our brains) than the movie we got. It's pretty much just a Black Widow movie with Morgan Freeman/Lucius Fox that gets cryptic at the end. The ending was actually what made me like the movie even less. It was packed with all kinds of surreal images, abstract ideas and trippy time and space manipulation...the real interesting stuff that I love. It went full on science-fiction, but the problem is at that point it felt so sudden and overwrought that it makes you wonder how cool it could've been. Just don't think too much about it, or else it all falls apart.

That being said, it's still a fun way to kill 89 minutes. Scarlett Johansson is decent, but the guy from Oldboy is sorely underused. Besson's eye-catching visuals are impressive at times and most of the action scenes are creatively cool. There's even a solid little car chase thrown in for good measure. I can appreciate it for that, but I absolutely hate it for not exploring its nifty, albeit archaic, premise enough.

Rating: 5/10

#24 - Guardians of the Galaxy


Date Watched: 7/31/14

The perfect summer movie. Visually dazzling, expertly cast, delightfully madcap, AND emotionally resonant, Guardians of the Galaxy delivers on every level. It follows the tried and true Marvel formula, but does so with such reckless abandon that you can't help but be impressed by how well it turned out. It made me feel like a kid again. Marvel took a gamble here and it paid off in spades!

The chemistry between all the characters is stellar. You hear the word "rag-tag" thrown around a lot, but this group epitomizes it. Chris Pratt has always been an underrated actor, so I'm glad to finally see him get the recognition he deserves, playing Peter Quill aka "Star Lord" in a disarmingly charming way. Zoe Saldana is dangerously devious as Gamora and looks the part. She acts as more of a love interest than I expected, but provides a notable dynamic by virtue of being Thanos' adopted daughter and still manages to kick plenty of ass, the best of which is a brutal fight against her adopted sister Nebula. The two all-CGI characters steal the show, sharing a Han Solo-Chewbacca-type relationship. Bradley Cooper rocks as Rocket Raccoon, adopting a Southern-style accent as the Macguyver of the group. I feared he might be too much of gimmick and become a Jar-Jar Binks-like punchline, but no dice. Vin Diesel's Groot may only have one line of dialogue, but each utterance is filled with genuine emotion. I can see why this character has become a fan favorite. My current favorite however is Drax the Destroyer. Dave Bautista is excellent, playing the straight man to a lot of the jokes...you'd think this would be a disaster but somehow, it works! Drax's deadpan responses result in some of the best laughs in the movie.

Get ready to see these characters everywhere come Christmas time!

They're all loners and rejects who just want some respect, and they ultimately gain that respect from each other. Each character brings something unique to the team, but unlike the Avengers, no one pays them any mind...they are the anti-hero Avengers. It's a great way to get people to connect to these characters, while simultaneously invigorating the story with new dynamics we haven't yet seen in the MCU. I'm most certainly not a billionaire playboy, frozen super soldier, or Asgardian god; but I have been an outcast at points in my life...who hasn't? It's instantly relatable.

This is the reason I believe Marvel will continue to flourish - they are proactive instead of reactive. Most studios would be content to rest on their laurels and repeatedly produce the same superhero movie, just with a different character, but not Marvel. They seem to be trying to branch out as much as possible into different genres with both well-known and obscure properties. Granted, all their films follow a similar formula, but it's the way they execute said formula that shows they are willing to go above and beyond, and I applaud this.

Another thing the folks at Marvel continue to do exceptionally well is keep their films visually engaging. GotG just may be the best looking Marvel movie yet, mostly because it travels to so many different locations during its runtime, with each destination being diverse and unique. It jumps from a desolate, Raiders of the Lost Ark-inspired planet to the utopian Xandar, then to an intergalactic prison, and then to Knowhere, the DECAPITATED HEAD of an ancient celestial god at the edge of the universe that is home to a seedy spaceport, a black-market mining facility and loads of fugitive hideouts. It gives you the feeling of a deep, lived-in world, something that is vital to any great science fiction franchise.

I'm so glad they didn't limit the swearing. These guys aren't exactly upstanding citizens, so it makes sense that the characters can be dicks. Doesn't seem like much, but the movie doesn't feel as "Disney-fied" as you'd expect. It has an edge.

Lastly on a side note, young kids better appreciate how good they have it these days with the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Growing up, I could only see superheroes on TV or in comics/trading cards. It's a great time to be a kid.

    Rating: 9/10

    #24a -Taxi Driver [1976]

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    Date Watched: 8/5/14

    Scorsese's first masterpiece, in a string of many. Robert De Niro is scary. Like legitimately insane. Michael Chapman's grimy, saturated visuals paint a vile portrait of New York as this infectious cesspool of filth and decay. Thematically, it's a descent into madness, and it's glorious.



    Rating: 10/10 (duh)

    #24b - Eyes Without A Face [1960]

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    Date Watched: 8/8/14

    Subtly unnerving performances and stunning black & white cinematography enhance this genuinely disturbing tale of love, death and betrayal from French master Georges Franju. It's a visual feast for the eyes thanks to brilliant composition and a myriad of captivating shot choices. Every scene effortlessly flows into the next thanks to perfect pacing that propels the story forward in an entrancing way that grabs you and never lets go; a fever dream that spirals into a macabre nightmare.

    I was initially skeptical of how bloody this film would be and I have to say I was completely disgusted by one particularly gruesome gore scene that is both horrifying and fascinating considering the special effects limitations and heavy censorship at the time.

    Normally, I'd elaborate but this is one of those films where the less you know, the better. Enjoy!

    Rating: 9/10

    #25 - Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead


    Date Watched: 8/14/14

    A sequel in the vein of Evil Dead II. It picks up right after the events of Part 1, and begins upping the ante immediately. It goes all out with an energetic mix of bloody mayhem and grim humor. Director Tommy Wirkola continues to make awesome flicks...can't wait to see what he has in store for us next!

    Rating: 7.5/10

    #26 - The Expendables 3


    Date Watched: 8/21/14

    Fun but franchise fatigue is setting in. Wesley Snipes starts out awesome but becomes an afterthought once the second act begins, much to my disappointment. Mel Gibson is devious but was much crazier in last year's Machete Kills. Harrison Ford has aged horribly and is pretty much sleepwalking through his parts. The new young expendables are all forgettable except Ronda Rousey. Antonio Banderas is funny but I wish Snipes would've had his amount of screentime. Jet Li shows up for 5 minutes and Terry Crews is injured for most of the runtime. My biggest problem was all the shitty CGI explosions and blood...it looks like a PS1 cutscene! Just pathetic. On top of that, the PG-13 limits a lot of the gratuitous violence that made the first two movies so cool. I find it funny that it's the lowest grossing entry so far, despite the first two being rated R. Hollywood is retarded. Overall, it's a fun way to kill a few hours but it's probably the worst of the trilogy.

    Rating: 5.5/10

    #27 - Sin City: A Dame To Kill For


    Date Watched: 9/6/14

    A serviceable sequel that isn't nearly as epic as I had hoped it might be. It's still entertaining and visually engaging, but I feel like they waited too long to release a follow-up. It's been nine years since the first film, which was well-received but occurred before the Marvel superhero explosion, so audiences were more accepting. The sad thing is that the final product feels a bit unfinished, like they cut some things that would've beefed up the overall story. The anthology format is always tricky because the segmented approach rarely allows enough time to fully develop a single character or storyline which leaves things feeling unfocused. The first film pulled it off almost perfectly, but the second fails victim to it.

    The overuse of color is distracting, particularly in background shots. The first splashed color in subtly and the result was striking; here it's a hazy neon mess. Still, the cast chews the scenery real good, especially Mickey Rourke as Marv. Eva Green plays her femme fatale extremely well, even if her story is predictable. The actor swapping is a mixed bag. Dennis Haysbert makes for a fine Manute, but Jamie Chung as Miho just looks odd because of terrible make-up. An inferior sequel, but still worth watching if you're a fan of modern film noir.

    Rating: 6.5/10

    #27a - Mulholland Drive [2001]


    Date Watched: 9/10/14

    My first foray into the brilliant bizarreness that is David Lynch. The cryptic, non-linear multi-layered narrative plays with the audience's perception and leads to surreal sequences that at first seem unrelated but become clearer in subsequent viewings. It paints a bleak tale of betrayal, revenge and the horrors of Hollywood.


    A powerhouse performance from Naomi Watts only makes the film better, showcasing her broad range. It also doesn't hurt that she's downright gorgeous. The remaining cast of relatively-unknown but familiar-looking actors do a damn fine job, as much as they can in Lynch's universe.



    There are so many levels to the story that Lynch weaves his twisted web through and the way time jumps and shifts to different perspectives only adds to the surreal feeling.

    Rating: 9.5/10

    #28 - Under The Skin


    Date Watched: 9/10/14

    A surreal, bleak film with an important underlying message. It offers very little explanation outright, but if you examine the themes and imagery, it paints an interesting (and some might say disappointing) picture of humanity.

    Rating: 8/10

    #29 - A Walk Among The Tombstones


    Date Watched: 9/18/14

    A slow-burn 70's-90's hybrid thriller. It doesn't deliver anything unexpected, but the suspense and shot choices are solid. I also enjoyed the visual style and Neeson's performance. He does not phone it in and continues his late-career renaissance. A subplot involving the dreaded "kid sidekick" isn't as annoying as you'd think, plus it makes for decent character development. Overall, it's nothing special but worth a look.

    Rating: 6.5/10

    #30 - Enemy


    Date Watched: 9/24/14

    Whoa...talk about a mind-bender. On the surface this cryptic film may seem disjointed and confusing, but when you dig deeper, it is revealed to be a tragic tale of duality and temptation. This is a film that requires you to use your brain, which will instantly turn off those who want everything spelled out and explained. Jake Gyllenhaal plays two roles and nails them both. He's slowly become one of the more interesting actors over the last few years.

    Rating: 9/10

    #31 - The Equalizer


    Date Watched:10/13/14

    While it's nothing we haven't seen before, Denzel Washington and director Antoine Fuqua are in fine form here producing a satisfying and surprisingly violent action thriller. Washington plays his introspective badass with ease, but he doesn't phone it in, facing Martin Csokas' formidable Russian mob enforcer. Sadly the remaining cast takes a backseat to the main story, with Chloe Grace Moretz showing up for some rudimentary character development early on and vanishing until the very end. Bill Pullman and Melissa Leo both appear in a random scene that to my knowledge doesn't have any ties to the TV series, while also messing slightly with the film's pacing and tone. Visually, things look good, though a few shots were entirely too dark. This is common in a lot of Fuqua's works, but can be forgiven because he clearly still has a keen eye for composition. The soundtrack is also pretty tight, with one particularly gnarly shoot-out skillfully edited to a great musical selection. My only nitpick is the pacing could've been better or the runtime shortened.

    Rating: 6.5/10

    #32 - Gone Girl


    Date Watched: 10/18/14

    As a crime thriller, it's damn good, taking the Lifetime-worthy material and elevating it immensely, but as a Fincher film it didn't blow me away like many of his previous works have, especially visually. I'm a huge Fincher fan and expect a lot from him as a director. He's meticulous about every aspect of his films and gives each one of them a clean but unique visual style thanks to his impeccable lighting, framing and composition choices, however Gone Girl is ultimately unremarkable in this regard. It doesn't feel like a Fincher film.

    The strongest part of the film is its casting, especially Rosamund Pike. She is absolutely stellar, playing her intelligently vile femme fatale with such lethal precision that it's scary. Ben Affleck is good as always, though he doesn't exactly do a lot of heavy lifting. The supporting cast is also solid, with the exception of Neil Patrick Harris who comes off a bit too much like Barney Stinson, his character on HIMYM, making it hard for me to take his creepy devotion seriously. Tyler Perry is also shockingly good as awesomely-named high profile defense attorney Tanner Bolt.

    The score by frequent collaborators Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross suits the mood perfectly, bringing on an uneasy feeling. 

    Rating: 7.5/10

    #33 - Fury


    Date Watched: 10/22/14

    A potent war film with a bleak but ferocious attitude, brimming with talent and gripping tank warfare. The main cast is impressive, with each character fleshed out fairly well. Brad Pitt is his usual awesome self and Jon Bernthal plays his despicable role a little too well. They do all fall under various military cliches, but not in a distracting way thanks to the damn fine performances. Even Percy Jackson shows his acting chops after a rocky start. The story might be basic, but is told in an interesting way that makes the familiar material quietly compelling. It shows the horrors of war and doesn't shy away from the uncomfortable stuff.

    The savage tank battle scenes are a thing of beauty in both their staging and execution. The pacing and rampant destruction make them intensely mesmerizing. Things get pretty gory at times (a trademark of director David Ayer) but nothing close to Saving Private Ryan levels. One particular scene involving a tank tread and some poor sap's head brought on flashbacks of Maximum Overdrive. Visually, this may be Ayer's best film yet. Gone is the shaky-cam that defined his earlier movies; it's replaced with fluid camerawork and well-composed shot choices enhanced beautifully by the crisp cinematography. Special mention must go to the score, which is an eclectic mix of classical and synth stylings. It may be anachronistic but it complements the goings-on wonderfully.

    Not much else to say about this one. It's a solid war drama well worth checking out.

    Rating: 8/10

    #34 - John Wick


    Date Watched: 10/28/14

    Man I miss movies like this. Nowadays, action movies have to be all gritty and super serious. THANKS BATMAN! Gone is the day of the badass, an unstoppable force who kicks ass and takes names with authority while spouting quotable one-liners. Audiences have become so cynical and jaded that they refuse to just let movies be movies.

    Begin tangent. I honestly find myself criticizing movie logic instead of just enjoying it for what it is. I think this is due to a combination of things. Growing up has a lot to do with it. As kids, we don't fully understand how the world works. We see it as full of wonder and that it revolves around us but as we get older, we learn the harsh truth that the world doesn't really care about us except for what we can provide to it. This conflicts with the idealized movie world where the hero is the center of the universe, everyone is beautiful, the bad guys get their karmic comeuppance and everyone lives happily ever after. A perfect, yet unattainable world. We know it's not real, but we still believe in it because it makes the world more palpable.

    Expectations are another huge factor. Getting excited for a movie is great but due to stellar trailers and marketing, especially in the last ten years, any movie can be made to look amazing. For example, I was so excited for Hellboy in 2004. The trailers made it look so damn awesome, yet when I saw it in the theater I was underwhelmed. I had built up a different movie in my head and when it didn't play out like that, I was disappointed. On the flip side, a movie may look like a generic waste of time so you set your expectations low and end up really enjoying it. It goes both ways. Subsequent viewings are the true measure of a film's quality. I truly believe that films you can watch repeatedly and still completely enjoy are usually your favorite movies.

    It's also partially due to state of mind. I get depressed sometimes and that can severely affect my enjoyment of a movie. I'm sure this happens to others as well. I mean I try to judge all movies as objectively as possible, but it can be difficult if you go in with certain expectations.

    The ubiquity of smartphones has made people dumber and less attentive. How do I know? Because it's happened to me. I always have my phone nearby and find myself checking it for no reason. It's almost become a reflex. Just go to any public area and observe how many people are staring at their phones. It's at least 60%. Even movie theaters, where they explicitly tell you to turn off your fucking phone, people still pull them out, lighting up the entire theater. For the record, I hate these people more than I hate Tom Brady, and I hope they stub their toe REALLY FUCKING HARD and drop their phone where it shatters into a million pieces. You people are the bane of my existence and I wish I could punch every one of you in the face. No, the crotch. No, BOTH! end tangent

    Rating: 7.5/10

    #35 - V/H/S: Viral


    Date Watched: 10/31/14

    They saved the best for last in this bloody good third installment of the V/H/S series. The horror anthology is a hard one to pull off well (unless you're Romero), usually due to the lack of cohesion between each segment. The first two VHS films were pretty gnarly; a vicious mix of terrifying storylines and grizzly gore. Both had one weakly-told story holding them back from being truly great, but not this one!

    Viral starts out with arguably the best and most creative segment in the entire franchise, Dante the Great. I really don't want to divulge any details but I will say it involves an aspiring magician and his discovery of a magical "hell-cape". Sounds silly, but it is such a cool concept and the way they explored it, especially integrating so many wild illusions, in the brief runtime impressed the hell out of me. The actor playing Dante the Great does a damn fine job too.


    Parallel Monsters, the second segment, is a trippy alternate universe mindbender from the maker of Timecrimes. In it, a man builds an interdimensional doorway where he encounters a seemingly normal version of himself from another plane of existence. They decide to switch places and explore each others world. That's all I'll say, but Nacho Vigalondo takes it to some very bizarre places. It's Jodorowskyian what-the-fuck moments are wonderfully weird and quite horrifying the more you try to make sense of them.


    The third segment, Bonestorm, suffers from unlikable skater kids as the leads but once it gets going, it delivers the goods. It follows some teenage skaters as they attempt to film a trick video, but can't find any place worth shooting at, so they venture to Tijuana to an abandoned skate-park that's also home to an undead hellspawn cult intent on violently tearing them apart. This one is definitely the most "shaky-cam" but it works with the characters and keeps the pace brisk.


    The wraparound story is also the most interesting of the three, though a tad more explanation would've been nice. I feel that all the segments shared a hell/demon theme, which helped the movie feel more cohesive as a whole. It makes the excising of Todd Lincoln's Gorgeous Vortex entry all the more intriguing. I'm curious to see if it would've featured a similar theme as much as I want to know why it was cut out in the first place.

    My main complaint is the cheap-looking CGI blood effects. They're distracting and disappointing, especially considering the how well the first two utilized a near-perfect balance of practical effects and CGI. It's not a dealbreaker, but it feels lazy.

    Regardless, I would argue that V/H/S: Viral is the best entry in the series so far based on two things: all of its segments were creative and scary in their own way, and none of the stories were cheap throwaways as in the first two (Second Honeymoon and Slumber Party Alien Abduction). My opinion may change after seeing the cut segment. This is well worth watching if you're a horror fan. Here's hoping for more anthology horror!

    Rating: 7/10

    #36 - The ABCs of Death 2


    Date Watched: 11/4/14

    Better than the first by virtue of having more segments that are worth watching. The first was split about 50/50, whereas this one has a 70/30 good/bad mix. The best segments: A, B, J, K, U & W. The worst: C, G, N, P, & Q

    Rating: 6.5/10

    #37 - Birdman


    Date Watched: 11/4/14 (double feature)

    Birdman is incredible. A wonderfully dark satire of acting and the movie industry, it showcases some of the best performances I've ever seen. Everyone knocks it out of the park. Michael Keaton and Edward Norton will be up for Oscars, fo' sho'. It's also a technical marvel from a filmmaking standpoint, with the entire film playing out as a single uninterrupted take. It's mind-boggling and impressive. Don't miss this one!

    Rating: 10/10

    #38 - Interstellar


    Date Watched: 11/4/14 (double feature)

    Interstellar is a visual tour de force featuring great performances and grand ideas but, as Nolan is known for, it is told in such a surgically precise manner that I feel it may not be as flashy or ambitious as one might expect. However, I assure you that Interstellar is a great motion picture. Those hoping for a cryptic Kubrickian homage to 2001: A Space Odyssey may be underwhelmed, while those seeking a fast-paced space adventure may be disappointed. This is cold, hard science fiction baby. The Kubrick flourishes are there but they don't feel like fan service; they serve the story and add to the immersion. The science is grounded heavily in real world applications of theoretical physics and mathematics that may seem restrictive at first, but the heady concepts the film explores, the way it plays with time, space and gravity in intriguing, thought-provoking ways as tangible variables that can be manipulated is quite impressive and one of the reasons I enjoyed so much. It sticks with you and gets better the more you think about it.

    The same can be said for all the technical aspects of the film which are, as expected, expertly handled.

    I do find it very interesting that Nolan is being compared to Kubrick. Both maintained strict creative control and pushed the limits of the medium, while producing consistent success and changing the industry in the process. While I don't know if Nolan is on the same level as Kubrick, he's continuing to edge ever closer.

    Definitely worth checking out!

    Rating: 9/10

    #39 - The Babadook


    Date Watched: 11/5/14

    One of the best low budget horror films in quite some time. It utilizes the less-is-more approach, where we only catch fleeting glimpses of the babadook itself, allowing the viewer's mind to fill in the rest. On top of this, the film leaves it ambiguous as to whether or not the babadook is real or just a hallucination by the deeply sleep-deprived (and possibly psychotic) main character. The scares are extremely effective thanks to palpable tension and expert pacing. The cast is totally game and believable in their roles, especially Essie Davis who is terrific. I also loved the design of the babadook itself. It's a cross between Coffin Joe and Nosferatu, and it's absolutely terrifying.

    Rating: 8/10

    #40 - Nightcrawler


    Date Watched:11/7/14

    Hypnotically disturbing, Nightcrawler is Taxi Driver for the modern digital age. It examines the power of sensationalistic journalism, seen from the point of view of an utter psychopath. Jake Gyllenhaal has become one of my favorite actors in the last few years, and here he plays Lou Bloom, one of the most heartless, opportunistic characters since DiCaprio in The Wolf of Wall Street. He's morally reprehensible, but driven by his urge to succeed and prove himself. It resonates well in this day and age, where people are willing to do anything to be famous and get ahead, even if it means shamelessly manipulating and sacrificing other people.

    From a technical standpoint, it's impressive considering this is director Dan Gilroy's first time behind the camera. Los Angeles is photographed beautifully. My only complaint is the score. At times, it's a little too light-hearted feeling like it belongs in a dramedy, while other times it's appropriately intense. It's a minor nitpick, but I'm curious at the decision because it was a bit distracting to me.

    Nightcrawler is a must-watch film that will unsettle and mesmerize thanks to Gyllenhaal's masterful performance.

    Rating: 8.5/10

    #41 - The Guest


    Date Watched: 11/15/14

    I had heard very little about this one except for good word-of-mouth, but man I'm glad I watched it. It's a weird hybrid of action, drama and horror with a nifty sci-fi spin. You may think mixing all those genres might be tough, but damn if they don't pull it off. I doubted director Adam Wingard a bit after last year's You're Next was such a letdown, but thanks to a simultaneously charming and unnerving performance from Dan Stevens and a killer musical score, he's able to build a much more creative and interesting film.

    This is what I would call a "New 80's" movie; a movie that is set in the present but both looks and feels like it was ripped straight from one of my favorite decades. Other such films include Drive and No One Lives. One of the defining features of these films is its soundtrack, and we get a pulse-pounding one for the ages.

    I really enjoyed the mysterious circumstances behind "David" and how it's hinted at in a variety of ways that he is actually some sort of robot, android or cyborg. The director has spoken of his love of both The Terminator and Prometheus, which are also two of my favorites, so the connection is there and it only makes the film cooler because it's wisely left ambiguous.

    Rating: 8/10

    #42 - Maleficent


    Date Watched: 11/17/14 (Blu-ray)

    I'm a big fan of high fantasy films, which Maleficent has going for it, but the updated effects do little to help the tried-and-true fairy tale deliver any kind of impact. It's visually engaging but hollow underneath. It does have a few cool scenes, namely a dragon battle near the end, but it gets a little too Disney-fied at times, clashing with its dark source material. It's great for kids but too saccharine and cliche for adults. As an adaptation, none of the cast tries particularly hard except for my man Sharlto Copley, who always brings his A-game. Angelina Jolie is surprisingly dry as the eponymous character, lacking any kind of venom or bite. She honestly seems bored at times. It wouldn't normally be a problem but the main storyline makes her the focus, proving again that most villains aren't nearly as interesting once they are defanged.

    Rating: 6/10

    #43 - Dumb And Dumber To


    Date Watched: 11/18/14

    Much better than I expected. It keeps things simple but still delivers the laughs and gags consistent with the original. It felt like a seamless continuation, 20 years later, which is impressive. I don't agree with a lot of the criticisms I've been hearing...I mean what were people expecting? The movie is called Dumb and Dumber To; all it needs to be is funny...which it is. I may be a bit nostalgic, but I honestly expected it to be a train wreck, so it came as a pleasant surprise. Nowadays, we are accustomed to sequels always trying so hard to be bigger and better, but a movie like this doesn't need that. I've seen critics say it reeks of desperation to see Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels coming back to these roles, yet we are the ones who asked for it. All recent successful comedies revolve around dick and fart jokes, so how is this movie any different? To hear people say "that looks dumb" about a movie with 'dumb' in the title (twice) makes me want to shake them violently until something breaks. God, I hate this cynical age of people clamoring and campaigning for things, and then completely rejecting them regardless of their quality.

    Anyway, I recommend Dumb and Dumber To wholeheartedly. It's consistently funny and a perfectly serviceable sequel.

    Rating: 7/10

    #44 - Blue Ruin [2013]


    Date Watched: 11/20/14 (select release in 2013, wide 2014)

    A simple yet powerfully gripping revenge tale. Made on a shoestring budget funded by Kickstarter, the resulting film crafted by cinematographer turned director Jeremy Saulnier is intense, heartbreaking and thrilling all at the same time. The relatively unknown cast does a phenomenal job. Macon Blair may look like Brooklyn Nine-Nine's Boyle, but he delivers a subtly damaged, unnerving performance that I wasn't expecting. I was also impressed by Devin Ratray (really...that's the stage name you're going with?), who you may recognize as Buzz 'your girlfriend...WOOF!' from Home Alone. Visually, everything is gorgeously captured and entrancing to look at. The realistic nature of the film produces some unsettling and realistic gore that brutally punctuates the film's cyclical revenge themes. I was expecting a lot from this film based on what I had heard and read, and it delivered everything I wanted and more. I highly recommend this one and am a little pissed at myself for not watching it sooner!

    Rating: 9/10

    #45 - Predestination


    Date Watched: 12/2/14

    Based on Robert Heinlein's short story "-All You Zombies-", the Spierig brothers deliver a thought-provoking sci-fi film with a career-making performance by Sarah Snook. Reminiscent of 2012's Looper, it utilizes time travel in an offhand way, providing little scientific explanation but using it to tell a interweaving story about fate and predestination paradoxes. Props also for the gnarly synth score. 

    Rating: 8/10

    #46 - Horns


    Date Watched: 12/2/14

    Alexandre Aja's most ambitious film is a wonderfully dark amalgam of horror, comedy, fantasy, mystery and romance. Based on Joe Hill's book, it puts an interesting spin on the traditional Devil story, exploring it from the supposed bad guy's point of view. I gotta say this one really impressed me. Daniel Radcliffe is outstanding, giving a resilient performance that shows no shreds of his wizarding past. He has amazing chemistry with Juno Temple, who also excels in her role. The dramatic moments are so well-acted and emotionally raw that they give the dark comedic moments all the more impact. Balancing horror and comedy is tough to do, but Aja pulls it off nicely. The soundtrack including David Bowie is stellar, as is the lush cinematography and unique filming locations (that treehouse, the log ramp, etc).

    Rating: 8.5/10

    #47 - Stretch


    Date Watched: 12/4/14

    Let's get the backstory out of the way. Universal Studios made the asinine decision to drop this film and not release it theatrically. It cost $5M to make but probably due to a combination of director Joe Carnahan's box-office track record and the low investment-high return of their production deal with producer Jason Blum (the man behind the Paranormal Activity and Insidious movies), it seems they were afraid to take the risk. C'mon Universal! I know your company doesn't have any cash cows besides the Fast & Furious series, but you didn't think an R-rated comedy-adventure in the vein of The Hangover featuring a pitch-perfect cast might make a profit? If you keep making decisions like that, your studio is doomed.

    Anywho...moving on. Stretch is one of the funniest comedies in recent memory. Joe Carnahan's kinetic filmmaking style melds well with the modern hyper film-noir style, resulting in a fast-paced and endlessly entertaining film. Patrick Wilson is awesome here. He's always been a highly underrated actor with an impressive range in my opinion, and here he just owns the role. He plays a down-on-his-luck limo driver whose night takes absurd twists and turns once he picks up a crazy client played by Chris Pine. He is BATSHIT INSANE here as a manipulative, coked-out thrill-seeker resembling a crusty, unhinged Jesus-Devil. Many, myself included, wrote him off as just another disposable young actor, yet he shocked me with this role as it is like nothing he's ever attempted before. Kudos to you Mr. Pine. The rest of the supporting cast is excellent, including a few gut-busting celebrity cameos that I refuse to spoil here...trust me, the less you know the better!

    Carnahan may have started off his career as a solid action director, but I think he's better versed at comedy. He knows how to milk the best laughs out of every scene, making the most out of all the wacky and darkly amusing situations Wilson's character gets himself into. There were a few scenes, and one blooper reel moment, that had me laughing so damn hard that I had to pause the movie to regain my composure. Keep in mind, this sort of black comedy isn't everyone's cup of tea, but for me I just couldn't get enough. Visually, it's most similar to Smokin' Aces, but with a much more vibrant color palette that Carnahan uses to perfection. There's one particularly-impressive shot that's framed and lit to evoke the classic 'devil-on-your-shoulder' motif. The score, a blend of 80's synth and pop, also enhances the mood considerably. The whole package gave me a Grand Theft Auto: Vice City vibe, in a good way. It was unexpected but welcome.

    Rating: 8/10

    #48 - As Above So Below


    Date Watched: 12/15/14 (Blu-ray)

    I was super pumped for this one. The concept alone grabbed me: a group of people venture into the Catacombs of Paris and end up discovering a portal to hell, with each person's fears manifesting themselves. That theme has always been a favorite of mine (Galaxy of Terror, Event Horizon, Sphere, etc) so I was expecting a lot. Sadly, it ends up being a slightly above-average found footage movie. It has a few really cool ideas, but they're few and far between.

    On top of that, it was hard to see anything once they get underground. It didn't make it scary, just confusing and painfully obvious when a scare was coming. The best part of the movie was ruined in the trailer (surprise, surprise) and most of the scares were ineffective. The ending left a lot to be desired; I was hoping for a nifty twist but it just kind of ends. Overall, this is yet another disappointing horror film that wastes its substantial potential. Worth a rental but don't expect too much.

    Rating: 4/10

    #49 - The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies


    Date Watched: 12/16/14

    While appropriately epic and entertaining, the finale to the Hobbit trilogy proves that it should've been split into two movies instead of three. From the get go, I thought splitting a single book into three films was greedy, but after seeing the first and loving it, I was on board. The second was thrilling and ended on a great cliffhanger, yet seeing it resolved so quickly in this film and having the plot move onto the next threat, it made the whole film feel disjointed and underwhelming. The battle scenes are the highlight, as expected, but they didn't top anything from the previous film or Two Towers/Return of the King.

    Rating: 7/10

    #50 - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles


    Date Watched: 12/20/14 (3D Blu-ray)

    Cinematic Coors Light...it's passable but oh so fuckin' bland. I don't really know what to say about this one other than it's not the poo-covered train wreck it could've been, yet it aspires to nothing remotely worthwhile making it feel like a waste. After watching this, I sat forward, shrugged my shoulders and muttered "well...it wasn't awful..." and that's the most I've thought about it since.

    Megan Fox is a forgettable April O'Neil, but they do tie her into the Turtles' backstory in a nifty way. But WHERE is the red hair? Are you too good for a wig Megan Fox? The Turtles themselves are represented adequately. They each maintain their respective personalities (Leo the leader, Don the inventor, Raph the badass and Mikey the goofball) and while their mutated appearance is initially off-putting, you get used to it pretty quickly. The voice-actors they got are nothing special and Michelangelo's nasally dork voice gets old FAST. The action scenes are full of CGI spectacle and Shredder makes for an imposing and worthy villain.

    The one thing I absolutely despised about this flick was its incredibly generic musical score. It's the heroic, triumphant crescendos we've heard 1,000 times at this point and it actually distracted and took me out of the movie a few times which is a cardinal celluloid sin. Splinter also resembles a caricature way too much. I don't want to nitpick too much because, well let's face it, complaining about Michael Bay productions is fun for the whole family. Bottom line: generic CGI spectacle worth catching on cable.

    Rating: 5/10

    #51 - Into The Storm


    Date Watched: 12/22/14 (Blu-ray)

    Full disclosure: I LOVE Twister. The Bill Paxton opus from '96, not the game you play in school in hopes of seeing or grabbing some boob. It's a true 90's movie; so unabashedly sincere but so damn fun. The characters, the quotes, the still-impressive effects and the soundtrack all harken back to a great time in my life. "He's in it for the MONEY...not the SCIENCE."

    Now Into The Storm is no Twister, but it does try admirably. The characters are paper thin, the destruction is satisfactory and the story beats are boilerplate but damn if it didn't hold my attention. I'm a sucker for good ol' fashioned disaster flicks and they're only ever made by Roland Emmerich anymore, so to see a different (albeit less impressive) take on the genre is welcome. I particularly enjoyed the the Titus, an advanced storm chasing vehicle designed to anchor itself to the ground in order to film inside a tornado. It was creative and cool.

    The cast was subpar. It's weird to see Richard Armitage without a great big bushy beard and I've always disliked Sarah Wayone-Callies. Neither is given much to do other than yell and run for their life, so no harm no foul I guess. And this is yet another movie that was partially ruined by the trailer showing all the money shots. Worth a rental if you dig action/disaster movies. Otherwise, take a pass.

    Rating: 5.5/10

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